


Heroes VS Sixth Graders

by Marron121



Category: South Park
Genre: Action, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Mostly Craig swearing, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, Superheroes, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 04:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16905750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marron121/pseuds/Marron121
Summary: The heroes join forces with a villain to stop a new menace that threathens their quiet little mountain town.





	Heroes VS Sixth Graders

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> This is the fanfic I wrote for the **South Park Super Zine** , where a lot of great artists and writers participated.  
> If you want to see more of it, please [check out the Tumblr](https://spsuperzine.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> With nothing more to say, I hope you enjoy this little story, and have a great day/night!

After all the superheroes joined forces, South Park had been mostly quiet in terms of criminal activity. But evil never rests, apparently.

Callgirl emerges from the curtain that separates the base from Doctor Timothy’s area, looking around the room until she spots Super Craig. He’s chilling with his phone behind Tweek, who’s using the computer to check different news websites, switching tabs and reloading the webs in some kind of trance.

 

“Super Craig! And…” Callgirl looks around again until she spots Captain Diabetes talking with Token and Clyde. “Captain Diabetes! Could you two come here, please?”

“Sure!” Captain Diabetes gets up from his seat and goes to the curtain, waving to Token and Clyde. When he passes through, Wendy looks to Craig, who’s still beside Tweek. When Super Craig finally looks at her and she raises one eyebrow, he sighs and pockets his phone. He then pats Tweek’s shoulder, making the blonde jump in his seat.

“W-WHAT!?”

“Wendy called me.” Upon hearing his boyfriend’s words, Tweek’s body shakes less.

“O-oh I see, okay man.”

“Be right back babe.”

 

Craig passes to the other area and finds Captain Diabetes with his hands on his hips and Callgirl and Doctor Timothy just in front of him, both checking Wendy’s phone. When they look at him, he simply nods and goes to stand beside Captain Diabetes. “So, what did you want?”

 

“As dry as always, Craig.” The girl shakes her head. “Anyway, we need you two for a mission.”

Timothy puts one finger on his forehead, his face turning serious. “The sixth graders have started to show strange behaviour again. We don’t know what’s going on, but we want you two to check on them.”

“And how are we gonna do that?” Captain Diabetes asks. As if on cue, Wendy unlocks one of her many cellphones, showing them a picture from an Instagram account.

 

A sixth grader is hugging another one in front of an old building with trucks, with the text ‘ _Hanging out with my boys today_ ’ big in the centre. Craig notices that below it, in smaller text, it says ‘ _No homo_ ’. Before he can’t comment on it, Callgirl continues the explanation.

“Luckily for us, most of them seem to have reunited today in the abandoned building close to the SoDoSoPa place.”

“And what are they doing there?” Craig asks. The girl’s answer is a shrug.

“We’re sure it’s nothing good.”

Doctor Timothy’s voice appears again. “That amount of trucks and boxes is suspicious, so please go and look around to see if you can get an idea. Call us if anything arises.”

“Will do! Let’s go, Super Craig!” Captain Diabetes heads directly to the curtain and holds it open for the other hero, but he shakes his head.

“Wait for me upstairs, I’ll say goodbye to Tweek.” Captain Diabetes nods then, crossing the curtain and screaming from the other side.

“Okay, but be quick! I don’t want to wait.”

 

Super Craig turns around to say goodbye to Doctor Timothy and Callgirl, but when he does he sees they’re both already checking other stuff on her phone, talking in hushed voices. The hero rolls his eyes and crosses past the curtain, heading directly to Tweek. When he’s about to talk, the blonde kid beats him to it.

 

“You gotta go, I assume?” Tweek gets up from his chair and looks at Super Craig, who simply nods.

“Yep. Have to check out some sixth graders. Easy.” They both hug, a little smile appearing on Craig’s face until he catches Clyde taking pictures. Craig wastes no time to flip him off, catching Tweek’s attention, and when Tweek sees Clyde he squeaks, his cheeks going red and quickly releasing Craig, but still smiling. “Take care, okay?”

Now it’s Craig’s turn to be embarrassed, especially because of Clyde. He thinks about punching him later. “Will do, don’t worry. See you later.”

 

Super Craig waves while going upstairs, Tweek waving back. When he catches Captain Diabetes, they both make their way out the house and to SoDoSoPa.

“What do you think we’ll find there?” Captain Diabetes asks; Super Craig shrugs.

“Hope it’s nothing, because I like how calm things are for once.”

Captain Diabetes laughs at him. “I hope you’re right!”

 

After some time walking the two kids reach the remains of SoDoSoPa, and start searching for the abandoned building nearby. The task proves easy and in no time Super Craig and Captain Diabetes are crouched behind some bushes, looking at a building full of sixth graders, some of them moving boxes around.

  
Captain Diabetes puts his chin between his fingers. “We should get closer.”  
“We should.” Super Craig agrees and checks the entrance: unsurprisingly, filled with sixth graders. “But we’ll have to find another way. Let’s round the building.”

The other hero nods and the two start going around, checking for possible entrances. When they reach the back Captain Diabetes suddenly stops, making Super Craig bump into his back and look at him confused. Before he can ask anything, Captain Diabetes points a finger. “Is that Butters?”  
Super Craig follows his friend’s finger and to his amusement Butters, with his costume, is trying to look inside the building through a window, but he’s too short and doesn’t quite reach it, pulling himself upwards a little until his arms give out and he falls on his butt.

 

Without uttering a single word Super Craig gets out of the bushes —Captain Diabetes calls for him, to no avail— and approaches Butters with some questions. The blonde kid is already up, rubbing his butt and looking at the window like it’s some puzzle, unaware of the other’s kid presence behind him until Super Craig touches his shoulder. Butters squeaks, jumps, and turns around so quickly he falls on his butt again.

“S-Super Craig!” Butters gets up fast, dusting himself off.  
“Butters, what are you doing here?” The blonde kid laughs at the hero, who raises one eyebrow.  
“First, it’s Professor Chaos!” Butters uses his fake villain laugh, his hands at his waist. “And second, my whereabouts are not of your concern, _hero_.”

Super Craig hears footsteps behind him and gets a punch ready, but when he turns around and sees Captain Diabetes he lowers it.

“H-hey there, Bu—Professor Chaos!” The hero quickly corrects himself, and the villain smiles sincerely at him.

“Hello, Captain Diabetes.” Professor Chaos looks between the two heroes suspiciously. “May I ask what you two are doing here?”  
Super Craig looks at the villain, his voice hinting a little irritation. “If you don’t tell us what you’re doing here, we won’t—”

“Callgirl and Doctor Timothy sent us here to check on what the sixth graders are doing.” Captain Diabetes answers, cutting off Super Craig’s words. The stoic hero rolls his eyes and makes an annoyed sound, taking out his phone and disconnecting from the conversation.

“Oh, you too?” Professor Chaos nods with his eyes closed. “These sixth graders are up to nothing good, let me tell ya.”

“It seems like it.” Captain Diabetes points to the window behind the villain. “How long have you been here? Have you seen anything?”

Professor Chaos shakes his head. “Nah, I can’t quite reach the window, you see.” He moves to try and get to the window’s level again, but his arms give out like before.  
“Oh, I have an idea!” Captain Diabetes exclaims. “How about I boost you up on my shoulders?”

“Oh, a-are you sure?” The hero nods and puts on a confident smile, punching his shoulder.

“I’m strong as a rock! Come here, I’ll help you.”

 

In no time, Professor Chaos is hoisted up by Captain Diabetes, the villain finally able to reach the window, although barely.

“What do you see?”

“Well, ah, I see a lot of these fellas. And…” he tries to tiptoe to see more, his legs trembling with the effort. “They’re carrying a lot of boxes around.”

“Boxes?” Captain Diabetes asks.

“Yeah, they uh, have white stuff in them? Oh!” The villain moves a little, making Captain Diabetes move as well so they don’t fall. “They’re getting all the boxes in trucks.”

“Okay, I think that’s enough. Chaos, can you get down?”  
“Yeah, gimme a—”  
“Wait.” Super Craig finally speaks, making the other two jump in place. “Stay there, Butters.”

“It’s Professor Chaos!”

“Whatever,” Super Craig says as he calls Callgirl. The screen of his phone quickly lights up, showing the girl with Doctor Timothy behind her. “Callgirl, we’ve found the sixth graders. They’re getting boxes with white stuff in trucks.”

The girl looks confused. “White stuff…?” She seems thoughtful for a second, and suddenly her face lights up. “Wait!” She turns to Doctor Timothy, who nods behind her and puts one of his fingers on his head.

“Super Craig, could you send us an image of the boxes? We have a hunch of what we’re dealing with.”

“Okay.” Super Craig turns to look at Professor Chaos. “Can you point the screen through the window?”

“S-sure.” The villain grabs Super Craig’s phone and does as told. A second later the hero can hear Callgirl’s voice, and Professor Chaos returns him the device.

“Okay, listen you three.” Callgirl says while looking at another one of her phones. “The white stuff is cocaine. If our info is correct, they plan to throw all that drug in different points of the town to make everyone mega aggressive, and cause chaos and destruction!”

“But why are they doing this?” Captain Diabetes asks while Professor Chaos gets down from his shoulders.

“We don’t know yet, but I’m pretty sure they want to recreate the Mitch Conner fiasco.” Callgirl’s face takes on a more serious look. “Captain Diabetes, Super Craig, please get in there and get as much info as you can: number of boxes and trucks, where they plan to throw everything—”

“How about we destroy everything here?” Super Craig interrupts. Callgirl looks up, thoughtful, and then to Doctor Timothy, who shrugs.

“I guess that could work too? But it seems pretty dangerous. Don’t get more at risk than you need to.”

“We won’t, Callgirl.” Captain Diabetes nods to her, the girl returning the gesture.

“Okay then, superheroes. Good luck.” With those last words, the call ends, and Super Craig pockets his phone.

 

“Welp, how do we get in without getting caught?” Super Craig asks. Professor Chaos laughs, catching both heroes’ attention.

“Well well, I just so happen to know a way in.” He says with a sly smile. Super Craig raises one eyebrow at him.

“Why would _you_ help _us_?”

The villain chuckles. “Well, Callgirl did say that these fellas plan to create chaos in the entire town, right? That’s my job!” Professor Chaos crosses his arms and pouts. “I can’t allow them to do as they please.”

“Okay, whatever.” Super Craig answers, uninterested. Captain Diabetes glances between him and the villain with a worried look.

“What he _means_ ” Captain Diabetes gives Super Craig a very pointed look that lingers for a second, “is that we would appreciate your help.”  
“Two heroes needing the help of a villain?” Professor Chaos chuckles, a grin on his face. “I wouldn’t want to make you wait longer then. Let’s get in.”

After that, the villain turns around and starts walking. The two heroes look at each other, confused, but follow him nonetheless.

 

They walk for less than a minute, until Professor Chaos stops in front of an old metal door. He rummages through his pockets and makes a contented sound, pulling out two paper clips. One of them is twisted at the tip, the other with a zig zag pattern. It takes Super Craig’s brain takes a second to catch up before he understands what Professor Chaos is doing.

“Are you lockpicking the door?”

The villain hums, already focused on the door.

“That’s cool!” Captain Diabetes says excited, but quickly coughs, embarrassed when Super Craig stares at him. “I—I mean, I would never do it since I’m a hero! But it’s an interesting ability to have—”

“Hmm.” Super Craig says, getting closer to see what the villain does. “So, who taught you?”  
“What?” Professor Chaos asks, looking at the hero for a second before continuing. “A villain doesn’t reveal—”  
“I bet it was Kenny.” Super Craig interrupts, and Professor Chaos actually squeaks, his face going red. When he turns to look at Super Craig he’s clearly embarrassed, and when the hero grins, he turns back around quickly, his face even more red.

“I-I won’t confirm nor deny that statement, m-mister!” He whispers aggressively, continuing his task in silence.

 

Shortly after, the door clicks and Professor Chaos smiles to himself. He chuckles with his villainous tone, putting the clips in his pockets again and turning around. “Heroes first.”

 

The three kids open the door and enter the building quietly, quickly hiding behind a half wall right beside the door. Super Craig takes a peek from behind it, scanning their surroundings: he counts a dozen sixth graders, some of them opening boxes, others carrying them to trucks. The main entrance has a garage door right at the side of it, guarded by a couple more of them. When the hero decides to take a look from the opposite side of the wall, he notices the metal stairs going up to some kind of little office with the lights on.

 

“What do we do now, fellas?” Professor Chaos whispers.

Captain Diabetes peeks behind the wall as well. “I don’t think an attack is the best option.”

Super Craig takes his phone out and opens a chat with Callgirl. “Scott, can you tell me the number of boxes?”

“Let’s see…” The hero mumbles to himself while looking behind the wall for a while before hiding completely. “Around thirty? I can’t see well the trucks.”

Super Craig nods and pockets his phone again. He looks to the ground for a couple of seconds in complete silence, and then goes around to check the stairs again.

“We could go upstairs.”

“But what if there’s someone upstairs?” The villain argues, going to Super Craig’s side and peeking. “Even the light is on!”

Before the hero can tell him that he doesn’t care, the door of the room upstairs opens, making Professor Chaos squeak and hide behind the wall quickly. Super Craig hides too and the three of them stay, not moving a single muscle.

 

“I can’t believe Leon fucking smoked a joint before coming.” One voice says before sighing. “I’m not gonna give him a single dollar, I swear.”

Another voice laughs. “He’ll will miss the money, I’m sure. Anyway, let’s do our work and take him to his house later. Hopefully by then he won’t be high.”

The steps eventually become more distant, until the two sixth graders join the rest. Super Craig looks behind him, Professor Chaos trembling a little and Captain Diabetes looking at him with a determined look.

“Let’s do this.” Super Craig simply says, and takes a second peek behind the wall to check that the coast is clear. When he confirms it, he heads directly to the stairs.

 

Super Craig can hear Captain Diabetes and Professor Chaos’ steps behind him, and he doesn’t dare to look down to all the sixth graders. When he reaches the door he opens it and gets inside, and when the two other kids enter behind him he quickly closes it, a sigh of relief leaving his body. Captain Diabetes wastes no time going to the open window in the room, while Professor Chaos looks with wide eyes at the person sitting on a chair, sleeping soundly.

“H-he isn’t gonna wake up, is he?” The villain whispers loudly, looking between the heroes and the sixth grader.

“I sure hope not.” Super Craig answers dryly, and the villain nods, setting his gaze on the person on the chair again. Behind him the hero notices a box and goes to check it, not surprised when he sees white stuff again. He takes his phone out and sends a picture to Callgirl.

 

“Watch out!” Professor Chaos screams, but before Super Craig can even turn around he’s pushed away, his body landing at the opposite wall of the window. He feels a little pain in his back but not enough to stop him from getting up, ready to throw punches around when he realizes that the sixth grader that was sleeping is now up, his eyes darting quickly around the room, stopping when he sees the window.

“THE FUCKING COPS ARE HERE!” He screams, and throws the box through the window before tripping with his own feet and falling face down to the ground of the room.

“Fuck.” Super Craig goes to the sixth grader’s body and stomps on his back just in case, but the dude is already out of commision.

“Uh guys, we have a problem!” Captain Diabetes calls, and Professor Chaos and Super Craig waste no time to check the window: below them the space is filled with white smoke, and screams can be heard.

“Fucking idiots, open the garage door!”

“I can’t see shit!”

“Why the fuck did you drop the boxes?”

The garage door opens after some seconds, the smoke slowly fading away. The three kids can now get a good look at all the sixth graders, who are glaring at them with fury on their eyes. One of them raises a hand, pointing at them.

“Kill them!”

 

“Hamburgers!” Professor Chaos leaves the window’s side and opens the door. “We have to leave!”

Super Craig nods, starting to go downstairs behind Professor Chaos, with Scott behind him. When they’re halfway the villain stops suddenly, sixth graders going upstairs to get them.

“Move.” Super Craig puts himself between Professor Chaos and the first sixth grader, who snarls at him and raises his arm. He throws a punch, but before it lands the hero kicks him square in the stomach. The sixth grader wheezes and falls back, dragging down the other people behind him, and Super Craig wastes no time jumping the rest of the steps to the ground. Down, he realizes their two possible exits are protected with more sixth graders.

“Well, shit.”

“Well have to fight our way out!” Captain Diabetes screams while avoiding a punch that instead lands on a wall that vibrates a little.

“We can’t fight them all!” Professor Chaos declares, and Super Craig sees a hit that the villain evades, the sixth grader instead punching one of his companions in the face, who collapses against a pillar. The hero sees the column tremble and break a little, debris falling from it. He almost gets hit but he’s able to deflect the attack and headbutt the dude.

 

“We need to take down the pillars!” He declares, and through the corner of his eye he sees Professor Chaos look incredulous at him.

“What!? If we do that, the entire thing will go down!”

“That’s the point! Don’t argue, just do it!”

“Stop fighting and focus!” Captain Diabetes avoids another punch, and pushes the other dude hard against one of the fractured pillars.

 

Super Craig wastes no time running towards it, and sees that Professor Chaos has his back on the other that was already a little broken while facing another sixth grader. Super Craig finds himself facing another angry sixth grader, and an idea comes to mind.

 

“Chaos, avoid the hit!”

“Okay!” He answers, and a growl catches Super Craig’s attention, the dude cracking his knuckles.

“Do you think you can ignore me!?” He screams, running to Super Craig.

The sixth grader struggling with Captain Diabetes looks to them, his eyes widening. “Wait, don’t—!”

The two sixth graders attack the kids at the same, both of them avoiding their attacks, that land on the pillars instead, making them crack, and the building start to tremble heavily.

 

The sixth graders’ screams fill the air, and Super Craig is stunned for a moment until he notices Professor Chaos running towards Captain Diabetes, who’s holding his head. Super Craig goes towards them to help the villain hold the hero, and the three of them leave the crumbling building through the door they entered it.

 

They get out when the place falls apart, a cloud of dust covering everything. The kids run further away to be safe, until they reach a tree nearby. Craig and Butters help Scott get his back on it.

“Are you okay?” Butters asks, worried, and Scott nods.

“Yeah yeah, it’s no biggie. A sixth grader hit me and left me stunned for a while there.” Scott looks to the two kids and then casts a look down. “I’m sorry that you had to carry me.”

“It’s fine.” Craig answers, and takes his phone out to write a simple _We did the mission_ to Wendy.

 

Butters fidgets a little. “Hey fellas, how bout some ice cream now?”

Scott and Craig look at each other.

“Sure,” Scott answers as the same time as Craig says “Why not.”

With that, the three of them leave, ready for their reward after a good work done.

**Author's Note:**

> **  
> [You can follow me on Tumblr!](https://marron121.tumblr.com/)  
>  **


End file.
